Reflections

 With the New Year here I have been doing a little reflecting on the past year. A friend thought it might be interesting to look back a year or so and compare where I am now to then, I hope you are interested in my insights.

 Just a bout a year ago I was at a work party when I was confronted by a drunk woman I had never met asking me if I was transitioning into a woman. At that moment I was not in my mind transitioning. I was there as a guy. This woman's observation shocked me and hurt me for some reason. I thought it might be interesting to look at where I am now. Another reason I think I am so introspective is I have a very big milestone I believe coming up at the end of this week. Some of you may know that I am a clothing designer and my business partners are in California. I live in Pittsburgh. I have not been there in a few months and I am pretty sure that since my last trip, where by the way my partners kidded me that I was "turning into a girl". (If they only knew!) I have really changed a lot, actually I believe I am at a point where I will not be able to deny my feminine face, body shape and especially breasts any longer. My wife has pretty much in a kind but forceful way insisted that when I get there I tell them that I am a woman now. She feels it will take a big burden off of me and also be the gateway to becoming a full time woman. I hope you all will wish me the best of luck on this, a very scary time in my life. They are my friends but they are very conservative macho guys. I am not sure what will happen.

  I am sorry if this is a little confusing or disjointed.. its kind of a stream of consciousness post. Getting back to that night a year ago, I was much more comfortable I think being in the middle.. playing boy and girl.. I was shocked that it was obvious outwardly to someone that I was a girl when I thought I was still the cool guy. It was a first turning point for me as when I got home and actually cried, my wife soothed me and took the opportunity to push me towards the feminine, not the masculine for a solution. Telling me not to worry as she wiped my tears that she would make me unrecognizable as a man so I needn't worry anymore.

  It is interesting to me because now a year later almost exactly I am at yet another junction. Another time of worry about where this is all heading and again my wife has pushed me towards a feminine solution. Don't get me wrong, I dont think it is a bad thing at all... as a matter of fact I think it has been for the better. Recently as I have been stressed and worried about her and my relationship we have argued and fought and I was not very happy, but over the last couple weeks, again the New Year, we have had a revelation. Believe it or not so much of what we have done so far has been done without speaking really or analyzing any of it. She would suggest something and I would do it, or we would just kind of read each others mind. Well I can tell you that is not the best thing, actually talking sometimes is way better. We for the first time EVER had days of long talks about all this and I am now sooo comfortable with our decisions. I wonder if other trans girls could chime in? Even if things are great, did you also always have a question or worry in the back of your mind, "Is this really what she wants? A woman?". Well, my wife admitted to me for the first time in our life that her earliest memories of masturbating when she was a young girl were to a beautiful woman, and especially to her breasts. I was amazed, it took such a weight off me and I had such a better understanding, I wish I would have known sooner. She said to me "Just let go of your worry, it was my dream to make you a woman, you didn't have a choice."

  I am so much happier and at ease now.

  So as I head off to California and another huge turn in my life I believe, please wish me the best!!

About Last Night

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Nice

I feel like lately I have been portraying my relationship with my wife as one of master and servant hahah. It's not that way at all, I think we live a pretty normal married life although the husband is really probably more the wife now. This is from a beautiful dinner we had out last night.

Panties

Recently my wife has been acting more and more dominant. It is ok with me, actually it feels like a natural thing. Since I have been more and more the wife and girlfriend she has just naturally become stronger and stronger. It's very different from how she was when I married her, sometimes shockingly so, but I am really beginning to be attracted to it. I noticed that recently the panties she has been buying me have been gradually getting smaller and smaller. So much so that I started to think their was a message here. I mean recently they have had a front section the size of a triangular postage stamp. Well, last night I asked her about it as we lay in bed, and she started to massage my cock, (which has been really nice and different because she had not touched my cock for almost two years always telling me I should put it away.. girls don't have cocks. ) She smiled and said "I love how really tiny panties look on you". As she rubbed my front like a girl, never as a man, never stroking she said" Wow you really are getting a lot smaller aren't you!?" (The hormones and inactivity having a big effect) "You are still way to big for a girl though. I think you should be smooth and soft and tiny in front don't you?" As she talked and massaged me somehow she managed to twist a knot with my thong around my testicles… I know she knew what she was doing but this was still so different for her.. being so forceful. Then as she tightened the noose and I cringed she came up to whisper in my ear. "if I asked.. would you talk to the Doctor about getting rid of these?" .."Yes" I squeaked… and I would too if she asked. "I love that honey that is so sexy that you would do that for me." As she reached in the nightstand for her dildo she finished "Now lets get some cock in you so we can talk some more".

Sweet

My wife did something I thought was so sweet. The night of my mini-breakdown after getting outed at a dinner, I was sitting on the couch in tears. My wife came and sat beside me pulling my head to her chest she stroked my hair and said "don't worry baby.. as soon as you decide it's time I will make sure that you are so beautiful when you go out that no one will ever mistake you for a boy again."

Boy Troubles

Another question that I am asked often is wether I have been with a guy yet. The answer is no. As many of you know who read my blog or are my friends in real life my wife has been hoping that I might find a guy friend. Well several weeks ago, she convinced me to go out for drinks with her and a co-worker who she has been friends with for sometime and she confided in our story and even showed him photos of Jamie. He apparently thought I was attractive and was interested in getting to know me. We met for drinks and then again a week or so later. Things were very laid back and nice and I was actually enjoying it. We were friendly and had progressed to hugs and kisses on the cheek goodnight. The following week my wife asked if it would be ok if he came to our home for drinks and I said it would. Well the week leading up to him coming over every night my wife and I were having furious sex with her just getting more and more excited and telling me how amazing sex was going to be with all three of us the coming Friday night. With the coming event and the incredible build up over the week of expectations and pressure... I dont know what else to say... I panicked. I told her I would not see him anymore and that I wanted to stop for awhile. She was very understanding and we took a break from talking about her finding me a boyfriend for a few weeks. I started to feel terrible about what I did I actually thought that she might not bring it up again but i was wrong, lol... it is something she really thinks should happen and she is right back at it. After this time has passed I am feeling much better and more open to it if the right guy comes along.

Confused Part two

First I just wanted to thank so many who have written with concern over my last post. As I stated before I went to a work dinner and was confronted by a very nice woman asking if I was transitioning to female. I was somehow unaware how much my looks had changed even as a man. Well reality pretty much smacked me in the face. When I returned home that night and the next day my Wife was super supportive and let me talk things out with her. In the end she made me feel much better and encouraged to continue on. It was kind of interesting though, I did see two dynamics working in my wife. The first night after getting home my wife was only positive and comforting..saying she loved me as a boy and as a girl.. telling me it would be ok if I stopped but it would be such a shame because I am so pretty now.. that God wouldn't have given me such feminine attributes if he didn't want me to use them.
 The next day however something interesting happened.. we were sitting on opposite couches drinking our morning coffee when I suggested to her that maybe I should stop the hormones and go back to mostly being a guy.. she sat back almost shocked and said very sternly.. actually interrupting me before I finished speaking.. "NO.. we won't be doing that".. well then I was kind of shocked, I honestly didn't know that she felt so strongly about this but obviously it is much more important to her than I thought. In the end, I am happily back on track and feeling fine now, thanks again!!