Just a bout a year ago I was at a work party when I was confronted by a drunk woman I had never met asking me if I was transitioning into a woman. At that moment I was not in my mind transitioning. I was there as a guy. This woman's observation shocked me and hurt me for some reason. I thought it might be interesting to look at where I am now. Another reason I think I am so introspective is I have a very big milestone I believe coming up at the end of this week. Some of you may know that I am a clothing designer and my business partners are in California. I live in Pittsburgh. I have not been there in a few months and I am pretty sure that since my last trip, where by the way my partners kidded me that I was "turning into a girl". (If they only knew!) I have really changed a lot, actually I believe I am at a point where I will not be able to deny my feminine face, body shape and especially breasts any longer. My wife has pretty much in a kind but forceful way insisted that when I get there I tell them that I am a woman now. She feels it will take a big burden off of me and also be the gateway to becoming a full time woman. I hope you all will wish me the best of luck on this, a very scary time in my life. They are my friends but they are very conservative macho guys. I am not sure what will happen.
I am sorry if this is a little confusing or disjointed.. its kind of a stream of consciousness post. Getting back to that night a year ago, I was much more comfortable I think being in the middle.. playing boy and girl.. I was shocked that it was obvious outwardly to someone that I was a girl when I thought I was still the cool guy. It was a first turning point for me as when I got home and actually cried, my wife soothed me and took the opportunity to push me towards the feminine, not the masculine for a solution. Telling me not to worry as she wiped my tears that she would make me unrecognizable as a man so I needn't worry anymore.
It is interesting to me because now a year later almost exactly I am at yet another junction. Another time of worry about where this is all heading and again my wife has pushed me towards a feminine solution. Don't get me wrong, I dont think it is a bad thing at all... as a matter of fact I think it has been for the better. Recently as I have been stressed and worried about her and my relationship we have argued and fought and I was not very happy, but over the last couple weeks, again the New Year, we have had a revelation. Believe it or not so much of what we have done so far has been done without speaking really or analyzing any of it. She would suggest something and I would do it, or we would just kind of read each others mind. Well I can tell you that is not the best thing, actually talking sometimes is way better. We for the first time EVER had days of long talks about all this and I am now sooo comfortable with our decisions. I wonder if other trans girls could chime in? Even if things are great, did you also always have a question or worry in the back of your mind, "Is this really what she wants? A woman?". Well, my wife admitted to me for the first time in our life that her earliest memories of masturbating when she was a young girl were to a beautiful woman, and especially to her breasts. I was amazed, it took such a weight off me and I had such a better understanding, I wish I would have known sooner. She said to me "Just let go of your worry, it was my dream to make you a woman, you didn't have a choice."
I am so much happier and at ease now.
So as I head off to California and another huge turn in my life I believe, please wish me the best!!
Thanks for such an intimate post. As someone who has followed your story, it all makes sense. You are becoming a beautiful woman. Trust your wife. She seems to always have your best interest at heart.
ReplyDeleteHi Stormy, thank you for such a thoughtful and comforting reply. I really appreciate your thoughts. Good advice!
DeleteWow, your wife's revelations definitely cast your transformation in an interesting new light. You're not just becoming a woman, you're becoming your spouse's fantasy - and that's the sort of thing most people just pay lip service to. The message I take away from this is "really want to make a relationship last? How far are you willing to go?"
ReplyDeleteSomeday we'll have to hear her side of things.
Thank you for sharing Jamie. I am always encouraged when I read your pages. I do wish you the best and hope we get to meet some day. <3 Jess
ReplyDeletehey Jamie. What a great relation you have with your wife. It's great that you have that much understanding. Kudus!
ReplyDeleteI'm curious to know what happened with you in Cali? I hope it all worked out well.
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ReplyDeleteHi Jamie and all the others who have replied. It is so encouraging when I glance over your blog and it is so insightful of your wife. I am in a similar situation although not as fa along as you two.
ReplyDeleteMy SO encourages me to spend as much time as a woman as I can.And isn`t that the mark of a true soul mate-That they want you to become everything you can be. I have had several sessions with a therapist who is similarly encouraging and quite a few hours electrolysis-I guess these are the initial steps,we are considering HRT.And later on down the track perhaps augmentio- depending on the results of hormonal support. She is nothing but delighted and excited by my beocmng more and more feminine. II would love to hear form other women in a similar situation.
Kind regards Ella