Just a bout a year ago I was at a work party when I was confronted by a drunk woman I had never met asking me if I was transitioning into a woman. At that moment I was not in my mind transitioning. I was there as a guy. This woman's observation shocked me and hurt me for some reason. I thought it might be interesting to look at where I am now. Another reason I think I am so introspective is I have a very big milestone I believe coming up at the end of this week. Some of you may know that I am a clothing designer and my business partners are in California. I live in Pittsburgh. I have not been there in a few months and I am pretty sure that since my last trip, where by the way my partners kidded me that I was "turning into a girl". (If they only knew!) I have really changed a lot, actually I believe I am at a point where I will not be able to deny my feminine face, body shape and especially breasts any longer. My wife has pretty much in a kind but forceful way insisted that when I get there I tell them that I am a woman now. She feels it will take a big burden off of me and also be the gateway to becoming a full time woman. I hope you all will wish me the best of luck on this, a very scary time in my life. They are my friends but they are very conservative macho guys. I am not sure what will happen.
I am sorry if this is a little confusing or disjointed.. its kind of a stream of consciousness post. Getting back to that night a year ago, I was much more comfortable I think being in the middle.. playing boy and girl.. I was shocked that it was obvious outwardly to someone that I was a girl when I thought I was still the cool guy. It was a first turning point for me as when I got home and actually cried, my wife soothed me and took the opportunity to push me towards the feminine, not the masculine for a solution. Telling me not to worry as she wiped my tears that she would make me unrecognizable as a man so I needn't worry anymore.
It is interesting to me because now a year later almost exactly I am at yet another junction. Another time of worry about where this is all heading and again my wife has pushed me towards a feminine solution. Don't get me wrong, I dont think it is a bad thing at all... as a matter of fact I think it has been for the better. Recently as I have been stressed and worried about her and my relationship we have argued and fought and I was not very happy, but over the last couple weeks, again the New Year, we have had a revelation. Believe it or not so much of what we have done so far has been done without speaking really or analyzing any of it. She would suggest something and I would do it, or we would just kind of read each others mind. Well I can tell you that is not the best thing, actually talking sometimes is way better. We for the first time EVER had days of long talks about all this and I am now sooo comfortable with our decisions. I wonder if other trans girls could chime in? Even if things are great, did you also always have a question or worry in the back of your mind, "Is this really what she wants? A woman?". Well, my wife admitted to me for the first time in our life that her earliest memories of masturbating when she was a young girl were to a beautiful woman, and especially to her breasts. I was amazed, it took such a weight off me and I had such a better understanding, I wish I would have known sooner. She said to me "Just let go of your worry, it was my dream to make you a woman, you didn't have a choice."
I am so much happier and at ease now.
So as I head off to California and another huge turn in my life I believe, please wish me the best!!
